Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
