every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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