There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
