honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
