Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
