Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
