You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
