We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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