I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
