Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
