pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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