There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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