I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize