Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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