this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
