she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Come see our sink grown plant.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
