Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
