Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
