Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
