i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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