Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
