Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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