Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How does one acquire holy water?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
