are you so shy because you have an std?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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