when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Randomize
