Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
