I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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