I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just had sex on a roof
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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