I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
