so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
