I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
do herpes really smell.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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