I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Randomize
