bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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