So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
