I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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