he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
