I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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