it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she told me i tasted like america
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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