yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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