Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
