I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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