If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
