wrigley field is MILF paradise
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
