she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
