hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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