I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
