She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
