I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
