Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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