I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
