you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
