i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
