we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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