I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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