Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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