he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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