nut hugger
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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