i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
