i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
