I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
