I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
