I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Terrible idea I love it
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
