kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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