this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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