Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize