Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
