also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Never underestimate the power of titties
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
