Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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