I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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