are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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