If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize