This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
