2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
