I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize