Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he quoted the bible to break up with me
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
