im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
