I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I supernannyed him into submission
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
