Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
