she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
