he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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