I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
