I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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