shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
