No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
