and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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