You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
