u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
