ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
