You just made me feel so damn special
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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