Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
