I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
