sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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