Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
