Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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