Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
