South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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