She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
