he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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