I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
