you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
