I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
